She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
