sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
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