I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
