I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
