he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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