i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
