i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
