I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
