I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
