What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
