he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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