There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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