He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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