I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
