omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
