mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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