So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
