Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
