Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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