mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
