Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
