I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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