we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
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That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
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He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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