Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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