I'm going to rape someone's good day.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
