Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
