I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
