Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
