I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
