oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
