Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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