sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
