yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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