Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
