did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just googled if crying burns calories
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
