just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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