Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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