Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
