i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Randomize
