I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
my poor anus
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
