If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Please don't give away my fajitas
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
