This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
