Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
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