i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
