I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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