you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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