1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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