I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
