apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Damn victory sex feels great
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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