4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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