i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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