I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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