Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
