True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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