considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
