I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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