After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
