So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
