Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
