My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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