this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
