i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize