I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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