Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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