I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
