I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
