How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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