Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
