Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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