You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
