I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
now i know why i became what i already was.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
