Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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