dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
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I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
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Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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