theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
ugly people sure do ruin things
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
