I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
