I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
