Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
