Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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