I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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