she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
