Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
