you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
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My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
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I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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