dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
