the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
