Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
